Today is a beautiful day. I am longing to be at the beach snorkeling or laying out, or playing in the waves. I woke up this morning at like 3:30am wide awake. I was thinking about the offenses that I have been dealing with lately. I know that it is silly, and probably rude to write about this... I just haven't quite gotten over it. I am an extremely passionate person, I love deeply, I care completely, and... blah blah blah... I am willing to let it go... chalk it up as a lesson learned.. I just wish that my wounded heart would follow suit.
I am missing my children so incredibly bad today. I look at the photos that I have hanging in my living room of them and I think to myself "when is this going to happen? How much longer God?" How is it that Father puts such a love and bond for these kiddos in my heart and then leaves it waning for so long. That scripture in Proverbs is so true... "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..."
When my husband was there last month doing construction on the new building for my little girl to live in, Elijah asked him how long it would be before we came back. This question haunts me and breaks my heart. My little boy is longing for us too. My little girl hasn't seen her mama in almost a year. How do they feel? Do they understand? Financially we are not in the place to consider a visit anytime soon. I find my self fighting that bitter self pity when I hear of other families moving along in their adoption. I am thrilled at their joy and at the same time crushed. Bella and Elijah are not just random kids that are going to come live with me.... THEY ARE MY CHILDREN! C'mon! It is an amazing thing how Father knits things together. How He joins our hearts, how He makes us a family.
Father... I am begging You today...PLEASE... bring my children home soon. Make us ready.
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