The breaking

I am feeling very lonely tonite. Missing peace, contentment, and joy. There have been so many battles going on in our lives. When I reflect on the last year the pictures that come to mind are documentary style photographs of men in arms behind bunkers in a full scale battle, bombs going off shots firing and panic. Most if the time these pictures aren't even in color. Many don't understand the level of fatigue that my husband and I have been existing in. I don't really try to talk about it with anybody anymore, nobody wants to hear that anyways. This is my blog, my thoughts, my chance to express it. I still have hope, and faith. Two very powerful perspectives. I can certainly relate to much of David's poetry in the Bible. His words have brought me comfort and given voice to my feelings when my words didn't seem adequate. How long oh God?? Though it seems like I would want to be the judge and jury, God has assured me that I would not wish for such a position. He knows the beginning and end, not me. He is confusing and great. He is a judge, full of mercy and compassion. He builds up and tears down. Father, there is no one who can do what what must be done, You hold all of our future within Your hands. I am nothing, You are all. You see my inside, my deepest secrets, my darkest thoughts, You know me inside and out. Who am I that You should even turn my way. Still I must ask for You, because You are all, there is no hope outside of you. You are the foundation of this faith. I am broken pottery, useless, and unfit. You are the master potter. Make me ready, use me God. Redeem what You will, shape me as You desire. Forgive my fighting, calm my fears. Let me know Your here, let me know that You see, You hear, You are present with me, and are for me. When all others have turned aside, please hold me close.