My Blog, My Thoughts...

This is my blog, so it is full of my thoughts, and my life. I am tired about being worried of what others will think, or if someone is going to try to use my words against me. This whole nightmare concerning my adopted children from Haiti, and the abuse that they have suffered has certainly taken it's toll on many parents who have suffered ridicule and scorn from others who don't understand. I am one of those parents. Hearing my children give details of the horrifying abuse that they endured while in the care of "missionaries" claiming to be a family was crushing. What can I do, how can I help them, how can I hold the people who did these things accountable for their actions? Just a number of thoughts that run through my mind constantly. I am a loving mother. I have never seen myself as someone who would struggle with hate until now. I have found myself hating the people who broke my baby girl, and humiliated my son. Forgiveness is so far out of range that for now it is only an idea that I know I must someday come face to face with.
Not only have these men devastated the lives of these precious children, but they go on denying it, implying that the children are lying. It is crazy to me that some have even said that all of these children are speaking out of some demonic possession due to the VooDoo culture that exists in Haiti! I can't believe that anybody in their right mind would actually believe something so ridiculous in exchange of facing the reality that perhaps the men who did these things were actually capable of something so horrendous.
It was difficult for me to wrap my mind around all of this when I first learned of each person involved.  I found it especially difficult to deal with concerning the one who I had called my friend and had considered like family. It was painful for me to realize that I never saw it over all of the years of our friendship. The complete betrayal, and violent attack on innocent children, my children... How could I process this? It is still difficult for me.
My pursuit for justice is all that I can offer my children. It will take God Himself to fix and heal my daughter and son. I am doing what any loving parent would do if their children were to come to them and share with them the things that my children have shared with me. It is ridiculous that I should feel like I have to defend myself, my actions, my motives. Yet I find myself doing just that.  I know it is because of the resistance that I have faced along the way from others who either don't believe these children, or they simply don't  know the truth.
Some might say "these things happened in Haiti, move on."  But "these things" have perverted and distorted the minds of my children.  It is impossible for them to simply move on. They need healing. My daughter didn't understand what a dad was until she came home, and she is still learning that just because someone calls themselves "Dad" doesn't mean that they represent what that means. A "Dad" doesn't rape and molest little girls! These men who abused so many children have debased the titles and very foundation of what family really is. So we have had to start from the very beginning, showing our children that a daddy loves his kids appropriately, a daddy snuggles his children safely and never violates that. A mom doesn't turn her eye to the needs of her children, or to the cries of her children... Not this mama. 
I have carried the frustration of not knowing what was happening down in Haiti at that "mission" when it was happening.  I have hated that I could do nothing to stop the abuse. I have said all along, since I have found out what had happened, that I may not have been able to stop what was happening, I may not have been able to protect my children then, but my children WILL KNOW that I have done EVERYTHING that I can to bring them justice and set things right! They will look back when they are adults and say "my mom heard me, she believed me, and she fought as hard as she could for me". In the end that is what matters most to me.