My companions are who? Sorrow and Suffering???

I am awake with anticipation for the future. I am learning to roll with the changes that erupt. I used to resist and argue with the discomfort. I have learned to tentatively embrace it. I will be glad to finally write about what has been happening in our lives without fear. I have to give voice to what has been two years of breaking and death for me. Oh, we have learned so much. We have grown expeditiously. I look at this mess now and I think to myself, "what is salvageable? What is good?". For now, those questions leave me speechless..

My pal

I have a hero. I love my friends so dearly that most often I refer to them as family. I have a friend whom I have known for about fourteen years. She is an incredible person with a larger than life heart. I have never met anybody who gives of themselves as easily as my friend Natalie. Natalie was raised in a home with children who needed love. Her parents were foster parents for years and eventually adopted three of the children that came to them through the program. For years I watched Natalie take hurting women into her home and love on them regardless of what issues they had. Natalie is an animal lover. I have seen her take in just about every single stray pet that has come across her path. That is saying a lot, in fact, it is sort of a running joke that the animals know to come to her. When Natalie chose to adopt internationally it was absolutey no surprise to me. I knew that her heart was big enough as her family continued to grow with each commitment of adoption that she made. When the state of Florida asked if she would be interested in adopting two more children after she had already committed to ten, I knew what her answer would be: Absolutely! I am proud to call her my friend. She is steady, kind, and full of compassion. She has fought this battle for justice along side me. I am thankful to God that if there were anybody that I would walk through this season with He chose her. She is a hero, a real, true-blue hero.

Mediocrity

I haven't posted much about what is really happening in our lives.  It is too unbelievable and scarey to print. 
I yearn to give voice to my pain, for someone to hear and reply appropriately: without criticism, or question, and betrayal. 
Yep, I said it: BETRAYAL! 
How does it feel to be betrayed by people that you once reveared, and cherished as family?
I feel nothing. 
I am numb to the betrayal. 
Thankful in some ways that those who have chosen to betray me have done it sooner rather than later. 
At first, I was confused.  I wondered "Am I living in some paralell universe?  Am I a part in that movie Inception?  Am I really in some sort of deep coma and all of this is a story lying in a region of my brain and eventually I will awake to find that my life is blissfully whole?"
That is how betrayal feels when it comes at the cost of truth. 
When the children that I adopted began opening up to me about the horrific sexual, physical, and mental abuse that they suffered while living in the orphanage in Haiti I was shocked. 
The people responsible for them were considered friends to me, heros.
How could they betray my trust?
How could they betray my God?
I shake my head and sigh. 
I could not, would not stand by and pretend that it wasn't real.  I would hold them accountable.
I pursued justice, accountability, and transperancy for all of those responsible. 
In turn, I have learned a lot about human nature, the church, and myself.
People by nature would rather not face the ugly truth. 
They would rather move on, pretend it is not there, forgive and ultimately forget, sweep that ugly under the rug of mediocrity. 
No matter the cost. 
No matter the consequence down the road.
The church has become concerned with being popular, accepted, and reveared. 
It is no surprise to me. 
Not too much has changed  within the church personality since Jesus Christ walked this earth. 
The same issues of arrogance, piety, and lofty presentation still exist and willfully plague church leadership. 
It is no wonder that my generation and those following have become more and more distanced from the organized church. 
I once was held captive to fear.
Fear of man.
Fear of speaking, or believing contrary to the man of God.  After all, they were desigated by God to teach me...right? 
Oh my. 
What has become of the real men and women of God? 
The people of God who LIVE God in this shit hole world? 
Is it really that simple?? 

Introducing Lily!

Number five made her entrance into our lives in May 2011! 
She is a gift that is for sure! 
Let me linger here for a bit. 
Lily Jo Evans came a hefty 8.6lbs, sunny side up~!
The entire time that I was pregnant I kept asking God "Really?"  He knew what we would need to make it through.  He knew that we needed little Lily. 
She is a very joyful baby and the twinkle in my star! 
I am in love with her.