Mediocrity

I haven't posted much about what is really happening in our lives.  It is too unbelievable and scarey to print. 
I yearn to give voice to my pain, for someone to hear and reply appropriately: without criticism, or question, and betrayal. 
Yep, I said it: BETRAYAL! 
How does it feel to be betrayed by people that you once reveared, and cherished as family?
I feel nothing. 
I am numb to the betrayal. 
Thankful in some ways that those who have chosen to betray me have done it sooner rather than later. 
At first, I was confused.  I wondered "Am I living in some paralell universe?  Am I a part in that movie Inception?  Am I really in some sort of deep coma and all of this is a story lying in a region of my brain and eventually I will awake to find that my life is blissfully whole?"
That is how betrayal feels when it comes at the cost of truth. 
When the children that I adopted began opening up to me about the horrific sexual, physical, and mental abuse that they suffered while living in the orphanage in Haiti I was shocked. 
The people responsible for them were considered friends to me, heros.
How could they betray my trust?
How could they betray my God?
I shake my head and sigh. 
I could not, would not stand by and pretend that it wasn't real.  I would hold them accountable.
I pursued justice, accountability, and transperancy for all of those responsible. 
In turn, I have learned a lot about human nature, the church, and myself.
People by nature would rather not face the ugly truth. 
They would rather move on, pretend it is not there, forgive and ultimately forget, sweep that ugly under the rug of mediocrity. 
No matter the cost. 
No matter the consequence down the road.
The church has become concerned with being popular, accepted, and reveared. 
It is no surprise to me. 
Not too much has changed  within the church personality since Jesus Christ walked this earth. 
The same issues of arrogance, piety, and lofty presentation still exist and willfully plague church leadership. 
It is no wonder that my generation and those following have become more and more distanced from the organized church. 
I once was held captive to fear.
Fear of man.
Fear of speaking, or believing contrary to the man of God.  After all, they were desigated by God to teach me...right? 
Oh my. 
What has become of the real men and women of God? 
The people of God who LIVE God in this shit hole world? 
Is it really that simple??